RECONSTRUCTED MEMORIES

2016. I often reflect on my past, so exploring early childhood was an inviting challenge in familiar territory. None of the memories I selected are stereotypical or “happy” memories; many substantially differ from standard childhood narratives. These four moments have stayed with me because of the trauma I associate with them. Recreating them has allowed me to relive them, & fixate on their trauma even more. As a colleague Nic Alexander so poignantly said: I love feeling bad about myself.

Each memory has been reconstructed in camera so that the viewer may experience the scene unfolding in front of them just as I remember them – through my eyes, my perspective.

d r o w n i n g

when i was 5, i almost drowned in the ocean.

my mother managed to pull me out from the inner-tube i was trapped under.

b i t t e n

in first grade, i was bitten by a classmate while we were both sitting on the floor.

it stung.

f a l l i n g

in fourth grade, i was playing on the playground — as children do. i loved the monkey bars & i loved the single bars.

i always did flips. but this time my hands slipped.

& i hit my head.

f i r s t t o o t h

i didn’t want to lose my first tooth. i wanted it to stay in my mouth forever.

besides, i liked playing with it.

my mother didn’t like that.

she yanked it right out of my mouth.

it hurt.